Hush little baby don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby.
If his lullaby's no good,
Daddy will make a carving from a block of wood.
Since your daddy cannot carve,
He'll give you a bottle so you don't starve.
If that bottle doesn't help you sleep,
Daddy's gonna bang his head on that wooly sheep.
How about if we go for a drive?
Maybe you'll like the streets at quarter to five.
If the neighborhood is lit too bright,
Daddy will smash up all the street lights.
If smashing up lights brings the coppers around,
you and Daddy can go underground.
If underground living gets to rough,
I'll try to think of some other stuff.
We can play poker to make some dough,
Just hope the money don't roll in slow.
If the river treats Daddy cruel,
We'll make ends meet by hustling pool.
If the nine ball won't go down,
Daddy will have to hang paper all over town.
With our ill-gotten gains we'll go on the lamb,
maybe drive to Florida in a minvan.
If Tampa weather gets too muggy,
I'll take you to Austin in a dune buggy.
If Uncle Jim won't open his door,
We'll huff like the wolf until it falls on the floor.
Auntie might not like us outlaws crashing there,
So we'll fly to Europe in the air.
If soccer hooligans disrupt our plane,
I'll sing this song to drive them insane ...