I'm not really good with doctors and medical settings in general. They make me uncomfortable. I don't like needles. Don't like pills. Don't like the idea that the doctor on duty might be a graduate a Haitian medical school who's stethoscope harbors an exotic, flesh-eating disease. But they were cool there. I think the last time I saw a doctor, there was no such thing as a doctor younger than me, but this guy I saw was like Doogie Howser, sneakers and all. It was a little embarassing having to give a throat culture. I seem to have a particularly sensitive gag reflex. It took the nurse five tries to get the swabs past my teeth. As soon as she did, I was gagging like Chewbacca with an Ewok lodged in his trachea. Quite embarrassing. Have you ever tried to give a dog a heartworm pill? That's what it was like. Plus, I got all distracted making sure nobody was trying to sneak up on with me a needle, so I didn't always hear the instructions the doc was giving me: He told me to stick out my tongue and say "ahh" .. so I did. Then he told me to look at his nose (?!) but I thought I saw a nurse with a hypo in my peripheral vision (there actually was a nurse passing in the hall ... it was a baby she was holding though) and I got distracted, so I stuck out my tongue and said "ahh" again as he pointed a flashlight at my closed eyes in a vain attempt, I presume, to check my pupil dilation. When I opened my eyes he furrowed his brow disparagingly at me and repeated the instructions more slowly, as if to a mental defective.
Saturday, May 5, 2001
Cowards Make The Worst Patients
I haven't shared a self-deprecating anecdote in a while, so here's a brief recap of my visit to the local walk-in medical clinic the other day to get my wake-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night sore throat addressed.
I'm not really good with doctors and medical settings in general. They make me uncomfortable. I don't like needles. Don't like pills. Don't like the idea that the doctor on duty might be a graduate a Haitian medical school who's stethoscope harbors an exotic, flesh-eating disease. But they were cool there. I think the last time I saw a doctor, there was no such thing as a doctor younger than me, but this guy I saw was like Doogie Howser, sneakers and all. It was a little embarassing having to give a throat culture. I seem to have a particularly sensitive gag reflex. It took the nurse five tries to get the swabs past my teeth. As soon as she did, I was gagging like Chewbacca with an Ewok lodged in his trachea. Quite embarrassing. Have you ever tried to give a dog a heartworm pill? That's what it was like. Plus, I got all distracted making sure nobody was trying to sneak up on with me a needle, so I didn't always hear the instructions the doc was giving me: He told me to stick out my tongue and say "ahh" .. so I did. Then he told me to look at his nose (?!) but I thought I saw a nurse with a hypo in my peripheral vision (there actually was a nurse passing in the hall ... it was a baby she was holding though) and I got distracted, so I stuck out my tongue and said "ahh" again as he pointed a flashlight at my closed eyes in a vain attempt, I presume, to check my pupil dilation. When I opened my eyes he furrowed his brow disparagingly at me and repeated the instructions more slowly, as if to a mental defective.
I'm not really good with doctors and medical settings in general. They make me uncomfortable. I don't like needles. Don't like pills. Don't like the idea that the doctor on duty might be a graduate a Haitian medical school who's stethoscope harbors an exotic, flesh-eating disease. But they were cool there. I think the last time I saw a doctor, there was no such thing as a doctor younger than me, but this guy I saw was like Doogie Howser, sneakers and all. It was a little embarassing having to give a throat culture. I seem to have a particularly sensitive gag reflex. It took the nurse five tries to get the swabs past my teeth. As soon as she did, I was gagging like Chewbacca with an Ewok lodged in his trachea. Quite embarrassing. Have you ever tried to give a dog a heartworm pill? That's what it was like. Plus, I got all distracted making sure nobody was trying to sneak up on with me a needle, so I didn't always hear the instructions the doc was giving me: He told me to stick out my tongue and say "ahh" .. so I did. Then he told me to look at his nose (?!) but I thought I saw a nurse with a hypo in my peripheral vision (there actually was a nurse passing in the hall ... it was a baby she was holding though) and I got distracted, so I stuck out my tongue and said "ahh" again as he pointed a flashlight at my closed eyes in a vain attempt, I presume, to check my pupil dilation. When I opened my eyes he furrowed his brow disparagingly at me and repeated the instructions more slowly, as if to a mental defective.
Who Movie Rumor
The Doctor Who News Page at Outpost Gallifrey reports a rumor of a Doctor Who feature to be announced by the film unit of the BBC this summer. Who fans are no doubt jaded by years and years of rumors having yielded nothing save the disappointing Paul McGann/Eric Roberts outing that ran on Fox a few years back and this may turn out to be just more smoke being blown up our collective ass. Still, one can hope.
Friday, May 4, 2001
No Crying
Oakley ran smack on Vince Carter; Lemieux put a burr under Jagr's saddle; now, David "The World's Biggest Goattee" Wells tells Frank Thomas to grow some stones. There is no crying in baseball.
Thursday, May 3, 2001
Easy Pedro
Pedro's temper flares. This is the absolute last thing Red Sox Nation wants to hear.
More plunk news with international implications.
''Thank God I'm going to go away from baseball soon, sooner than they think, so they can just take their baseball and stick it up whatever they want,'' Martinez said before the Sox' 5-1 loss to the Mariners last night. ''I'm going to go back to my country and be happy.''
More plunk news with international implications.
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