Thursday, December 23, 2010

Festivus Traditions: The Airing of Grievances. "I've got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're going to hear about it."

This is where, in the spirit of intolerance and ingratitude, I vent the things people have done to disappoint me this year.
  1. You were the car dealerships practicing bait and switch. Luring me into your dealership with prices you have no intention of honoring, pretending you know nothing about the promotion I'm referring to until I make you bring it up on your computer and show it to you. Then, you suddenly remember something about residuals or non-negotiable fees.
  2. You didn't vote this year or, worse, voted for a homophobic, two-faced, sub-moron bent on ruining the national economy and destroying what limited ability the government has to function as a force for justice and the protection of our civil liberties.
  3. You tail-gated me when I couldn't get in the right lane, then zipped past me once I finally could, then cut in front of me without using your turn signal, and then ... you slowed down! You drive like [expletive deleted]. It doesn't impress me that you've got an anti-Obama bumper sticker on your trunk either. No, I'm not thrilled with the execution of the "hopey-changey stuff" I was promised but your guy was still the worse option and can you please make your former VP candidate / half-Governor / caribou-slaying snowbilly grifter go away!
  4. Then there's all y'all that were awarded a Glasgow kiss this past year. 
Feels good to have gotten all that stuff off my chest. I'm ready to engage in Feats of Strength. It's a Festivus miracle!
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