Sunday, December 9, 2001

Ocean's 11

Saw Ocean's 11 Saturday night and am glad I did for two reasons: (1) It was a funny,smart, hip-but-not-too-hip bit of fun that sat nicely with the Red Bull and Raspberry Stoli buzz I carried in, and (2) I finally discovered the secret genius of Julia Roberts. What secret genius is that, you ask? I'll tell you. It's her mouth, which we already knew was somehow unnatural, but I finally recognized in what specific way it's unnatural -- she's got it on upside-down. It was so obvious I almost missed it, like when Whoopi first showed up as Guinan and I couldn't quite put my finger on what was off with her face. Humans, you notice, by and large have an upper lip that is thin in relation to their lower. Julia's upper is easily 3x the size of her already Jagger-esque lower. Once you realize what she's done, the full monstrousness of it hits you. I have a feeling she'd've had her nose done up that way too if she weren't afraid of drowning in the shower. It's freakish and insane and I'm so glad she and her surgical abomination of a piehole had only a few minutes of screen time.

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